Unable to disconnect

Summer is the time to sit outside looking at the stars and do a balance about life. I find myself very often lost of any concentration and thinking about things that don't make any sense. Things that happened my daily life, even the smallest ones, sometimes repeating themselves in my brain without end.

I don't know if this happens to you, but very often after watching a movie I can't disconnect of it and I keep reliving the scenario in my real life. An example is, yesterday I watched "Alle Anderen", by Maren Ede and as I was walking to the tram station I couldn't stop thinking as the main character would do, from what took place in the movie. The character was somehow more open and direct as all others and she was even said to be "ridiculous". And so was I thinking as this person would react in my reality, what would she think of the things I was seeing. Another example was, I watched last year a movie about some criminals stealing gold bars from one of those secured bank vans and how they had the idea of transforming that gold into little Eiffel towers , as the ones sold to tourists, so that they could be transported out of the country. After I watched the movie, I wanted to do some shopping and I started thinking as I was committing a crime and if people walking on the street would recognize me and call the police.

Another thing happening to me is that I dream a lot. Very often I wake up in my room and don't recognize it as my own, thinking that I am somewhere else. As it happens for sometime now, I try to close my eyes very hard and try to transfer myself to where I should be. Sometimes I know it's just a dream, other times I try to understand where I am and why did I end up there, falling again asleep trying to convince myself that everything will be fine when I awake in the morning.

Am I going crazy?

Something good can work

Sleepyhead

Loud pipes

I like movies where day-to-day life details are given. Waking up, for instance: the beginning silence, looking out the window to see how the weather looks like, getting up and preparing yourself for the day. Taking a shower, the sound of the water running. Just this act makes you expect what of great is coming next. And the surrounding silence is a big factor. It comes accross with yourself, with your own normal life, which you end up believing can be considered a script for a movie.

I'm sitting in front of my computer and listening to the rythm of my own breathing. Due to a cold, my nose is not flowing properly and as it is so late, my breathing is the only sound I hear with the typing of my words. I am tired and try to keep myself awake to write a decent text. Now that I've started, better to write something worth. How do I know something's worth? Someone asked me the same question a couple of days ago. Of course I can't answer that. I told him, well, write exactly what is describing your acts and thoughts. What catches the public is their identification with your words. Very probably there is someone who felt the exact same way.

My problem with writing is that I always get to the point where my inspiration fails. It isn't even failing, as this means a momentaneous weakness, but rather a disconnecting. So normally I delete the whole text and decide to try another time. What will I write about now?

On the wall in front of me, there is a small picture of a old woman inside an old airplaine. She has one of these old pilot glasses, which look like two bottle bottoms, in her eyes, and she looks very brave, almost as saying "I'll get this thing to fly and I'll get very far". It's a postcard I found in a store. The proud look of the old woman enchanted me, so I took it with me home.

Above it , there is another picture of a ballarina looking at her skirt. No face is drawed, just a profile image.The text says "Lulu. Drei Schritte bis zum Fenster". Does she carry any simbolism? Maybe disappontment, maybe's she's reflecting if she really likes dancing. Or maybe she just doesn't like her yellow skirt. She is barefoot,which can mean she usually does not dance.

Nothing is great, nothing is surprising. Guess I need to give it all a thought.

Good night.

Descobri o método para me curar das noites de cansaço depois do trabalho.

Ter uma parede bonita que nos anime e música para largar energia. Os vizinhos é que se poderão queixar...